Have I Mentioned That Cancer SUCKS?!?!?!

Today went from difficult to nearly impossible.

I think this picture might give you a sense of how bad Kean feels

(and therefore we all feel).

What makes it even more difficult is that it started out so promising.

My most amazing mom spent the night with Kean so I could get some rest and be with the girls.

When I came in, Kean had turned into his evil twin-- yes, he's back on Steroids... but

he looked good.  Really good.

Still, my mom left in tears.  It is really hard in here.

He is so miserable he fights everything... even just getting his temperature, or his

blood pressure-- and especially taking any medications.

His counts have dropped again.  He's down to 80 because of the Chemo

but the really bad news is he now has mouth sores and they think they have

travelled down his throat.  To put that in perspective, after he had been screaming

for what seemed like decades, they put him on Morphine.  The nurse asked

me on a scale of 1 to 10 what I thought his pain level was.  When I hesitated,

she said she thought he was at a 10.  I said, "really?  For mouth sores?"

She told me they have teenagers in here with mouth sores on constant Morphine

and buttons they can push for more pain meds.  It is quite nasty.

So here is a little snippet of Kean after the Morphine has kicked in.

We spent what energy we had left after wrestling the screaming child all day...

trying to get him to eat something.

We are now referring to this room as the wasteful food depository.  We tried nearly everything

to no avail.  Bacon was a bit of a hit. At least compared to the

jello, ice cream, cool pops, goldfish, pizza, spaghettios, mashed potatoes, lasagna,

pudding, chips, fruit, fruit snacks, cookie, pretzels, chocolate, sausage, biscuits etc. that we tried.

I tell ya, I don't know what I'd do without my girlfriends who have rallied to form Team Kean.

Pam Brown- in the video above was with me today for at least 9 hours straight. 

Melanie Clark came in for several hours this morning and even though Kean would

only go to them for a few... those few saved me.



I think the highlight today for Keanut was when his sisters came up for a short (but loud) visit.

Each year, along with several friends, we "adopt" several Refugee families for Christmas.

Tonight was the big "first American party" we all throw for them to give the Refugees their gifts.

Joanna Shoushtarian took the girls to the party for us and brought them by the hospital

on their way home.

The girls opened up the musical program tonight for the Refugees

with this little number they performed for Kean.

Kean is finally asleep.  And I mean finally.

He took a whopping 1/2 hour nap today and that was it.

I'm ready to join him

but first wanted to thank all of you for the prayers and love.

This is so hard.  The only reason why we are making it through this

is because of each of you.

I hope someday to tell you in person what your support, prayers,

visits, calls, meals and love have meant to us.