Thank You

Okay, I thought I couldn't feel any more loved. Your comments and expressions of love have touched me once again. I consider my friends and family one of the greatest blessings in my life. And once again you are all there for myself and my family. I am so emotionally raw-- your messages have been healing. Thank you.
I overdid it yesterday and could hardly walk or think coherently last night. Therefore, I only spent half the day at the hospital today. My mother lent her car to my brother and his family to take to Yellowstone for the week. She took the girls to the Discovery Museum and lunch today after dropping me off.
Our son has developed a red, slightly swollen area on his stomach. One of his counts has gone from a 1.1 to a 9 (don't ask me which count-- there are so many). An X-ray shows he has some inflammation of one of his bowels (they think) and an infection. They removed the IV from his belly button and suspect that may be the cause. When they put it in the first day-- it had to be a completely sterile procedure. They wouldn't even let Byron be there and had some problems getting it in. Today, the doctor ordered a regimen of antibiotics. But a number of them could not get an IV in him. They tried for an hour and gave up. He has my small veins, the infection makes it harder-- as does the Down's to get one in. They decided to wait until after he had another feeding to try again. Thankfully, my sister-in-law, Melissa (Craig's wife) was with him in the morning while they tried and failed to put the IV in.
Meanwhile, my poor mom (the kids have run her ragged) locked the keys in the car. Byron and his brother, Craig had to go break in and rescue her. But it was for the best. Byron and Craig arrived just in time for the nurses to start the IV process again. I couldn't handle all the poking, stabbing and bleeding-- so the boys stayed in there to comfort the baby. It took countless tries and over an hour once again to get the IV in. (I walked the halls and cried into the arms of one of my nurse friends down in Labor and Delivery). The IV is now in his head-- and it looks awful. He has bruises and injection sites everywhere. My sister-in-law, Rachel reminded me that the baby will not have a memory of this. Thank heavens. If only I could handle this better. I know I need to prepare myself for the roller coaster of the NICU-- but I'm not cut out for this. Somehow, I'm going to have to get stronger. It's a good thing I had a shorter day today at the hospital. I came home and literally crashed. We won't see if the antibiotics will make a difference until tomorrow.
By the way, we came home to a Lexus SUV in our driveway with a card on it from our good friends, Sally and Jonathan-- to keep it as long as we need an extra car. (I was secretly hoping it was a gift from the hospital for not firing any nurses or going insane during my stay). What a sweet gesture-- especially if you only knew what they have already done to keep me sane and to help my children. As I said at the beginning of this post, my friends have been one of my most treasured blessings in this world.
After two nights, I'm finally getting used to being home. My comfortable bed felt all wrong the first night. Isn't that crazy? I guess I missed the seven, vinyl hospital pillows that surrounded me in my "staycation" stay. The girls have been a challenge. It is soooo loud at home. Byron warned me it would be a shock. But what has been the bigger shock is that even though we thought the girls were handling this so well-- they have been saying things to me that break my heart. Holland today told me she thought the baby was evil-- because he had taken me away, made me hurt and made me cry so much. We've tried to talk through a lot of these "left field" comments. But it has been a painful and eye opening experience to see how their little minds have processed our trials. My mother has been such a calming and loving help. She's filled in the blanks for me when I have been left speechless and drained.
Our Bishop came over last night and gave both Byron and I blessings of comfort. It has made a huge difference for us. We are still very frightened and feeling inadequate for what we face but we realize we have a very special spirit who has been entrusted to our family. And already, as I watch him react to the horrendous amount of trauma in the hospital, I've seen such a sweet and strong little personality emerge. I miss him so much when I am away.