Reincarnated As A Mother

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Deep Breaths (Day 68)

I've been really quite emotional last night and today. I think I'm allowing myself to get a bit afraid of what Spartacus will be like when he's born and what's really ahead of us.
During monitoring last night, I had a pretty hard contraction and the baby's heartbeat deceled. It happened again this morning-- but not as severely. Dr. Lovelace said the baby can handle some stress during delivery-- so we'll still try for an induction but be ready for the big C-section. I am on the schedule for MONDAY. And maybe that is why I'm a bit freaked out-- this not knowing what problems he will have or won't is really difficult. Where's my strength? Where's my faith? I expected the emotions to hit on the day of his birth, certainly not this early.
But please don't call and have me "talk" about my feelings. I do better if I don't talk about it. It's only noon and I've already cried to Byron, my childhood friend April, Stacy in Arizona and my nurse. So enough of the drama. There's nothing I can do. I need to get back in that calm mode until I have a reason to cry. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
My sister-in-law, Rachel and her three children flew in last night from Austin, TX. My mom, my two sister-in-laws and all ten of the grandchildren are at the zoo as I write this. They are coming up here to say hello sometime this afternoon. I'm looking forward to the chaos. My girls were so excited to see the cousins. My little brother, Marc and my dad both fly in on Friday. Saturday-- we have a huge family extravaganza planned (at my house because we all thought I'd be home by now). All I can say is thank heaven for video and digital cameras!

5 comments:

gramyflys said...

Everytime I go to my google reader and see that there is a new post from Girl World, I hold my breath and say a little prayer. We on the outside are hoping your little one stays put as long as possible, for his own strength, as I know you are. You are the strongest lady I know, Lonnie. What a tremendous challenge this has been. The Savior will be close by your bedside, and is aware of all that will transpire very soon. "When you are prepared, ye shall not fear." You ARE prepared. Now go into this battle with all your might, and whatever the outcome, you can handle it. That I know. You are ALL in our prayers.

Chuck said...

I'm heading for Canada this weekend, so I will let my mom and dad know how things are going. They are not good at keeping up to date.
Just think that when Spart is born, he is only about a month early. One of my cousins was a preemie and is now over 6 feet tall, a Marine and DPS officer.
Think positive.

Taylor Family said...

Just wanted to let you know how much I admire your strength and courage. I'm sorry you are having a tough day. We are all proud of you and glad that your hospital staycation is about to come to an end. We will continue to pray for you and spartacus as your delivery date gets closer. That's nice that you will have even more family in town to give your the support and love that you need. Thanks for your wonderful friendship over the years. You are truly one tough cookie.

Marti said...

Lonni,

I think through all this, you've been so blessed. Look how far you've made it! I was so excited when you told me you were pregnant and the baby was a bit of a surprise.

I was even more excited when I found out the new family member was going to be a boy. Wow! Another child AND a boy... so blessed.

I am so grateful for all the blessings that you have and for the opportunity that you have afforded on this blog for us all to share and pray together.

I am so excited for this birth. I know you're scared, but you have all of us praying for you.

XoXo to your entire world of Girls.... and Byron and Spartacus.

Diane said...

Lonnie!
I am so impressed with your strength. I am 6 months along with this little boy & anytime I feel uncomfortable, have back pain, can't sleep or just feel lousy.....I think of you!! I suddenly don't have anything to complain about. :) Hang in there. Only a few more days!!!

Diane Shephard