Well, it's Tuesday night and I'm writing this instead of being with Kean-- so yes, you guessed it-- our sleepover was cancelled. The head of the NICU, Dr. Scott Snyder, who is very cool, called me about an hour before I left for the hospital today to tell me he doesn't think Kean is ready for the "rooming in". Combining a Premie with Down Syndrome, he says he's just not ready to take the feeding tube out and it would be setting all of us up for a big disappointment. He feels with his situation, that we need to not push him to sink or swim until he is at least another 2 to 3 weeks older. These little guys don't have the muscle tone and coordination to pull it off. UUUUUUGGGGGGGG. I fought back my tears and agreed with him. He went into much more depth, but you get the gist of it. I am just so tired of this life I have right now. And I feel bad for having to continuously rely on so many of you to keep the rest of our life functioning.
To make matters even more dismal, I have a full blown breast infection going-- my doctor called in a prescription for me tonight, so hopefully I'll soon quit threatening to cut my breasts off. When I got to Albertsons, I couldn't find my insurance card. The pharmacy I usually go to was closed. So I burst into tears. I'm certain the Pharmacist at Albertsons was secretly thinking I need to be on anti- depressants as well!! While I'm at it, can I just say I hate insurance companies, I hate paperwork, I hate hospital bills and I really hate breast infections.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought the Lord wasn't supposed to give us more trials than we can handle.
Please remind me that I will survive this.
I'm off to pump. My toes are already curling in anticipation of the pain.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Screeching Brakes
Posted by Lonni at 10:16 PM
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9 comments:
You will survive!! And we will all be right by your side the whole way. You are not alone. Keep leaning on us. We love you and want nothing more than to help! Hang in there. It will get better.
I can only imagine your disappointment, and your pain with this blasted mastitis. just know that we love and support you. that's all we can give from afar. You have a family like galvanized steel and a strong spirit that won't be broken (maybe a little bruised?) by this whole experience.
pop those antibiotics, now...love ya.
I'm so so sorry you have to go thru all of this. I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy. Please just remember you have all of us here for you. You can do this! You are a very strong woman and eventually it will get better.
Sometimes the Lord gives our limit so that we will turn to Him for the help that only He can provide. You know this already, but reminders help. You are stronger than you will ever know.
You are constantly in my prayers, and I know that you are in the prayers of many people here in The Valley. We love you.
Ok, I think we need to schedule a collective time of prayer from this huge support group of family and friends and let the Lord know you and Byron would appreciate it if your lives could get to some degree of normalcy, with the entire Barker family under one roof by October 1st.
Can you hang onto that hope Lonni?
If you say yes, I'll pick the date and time for prayer and post it on your blog.
Huge hugs for you and Byron.
Love, Cindy
I admire the heck out of you. Just the breast infection alone would do me in, not to mention all of the things you have going on with Kean. I truly appreciate how honest you have been in your blog. I know everyone thinks of you as an incredibly strong person, and we all know that you would be here for us if we were in a similar situation. Hang in there and don't feel bad about having to rely on others for help and strength. You are an amazing person. Love and hugs to all.
There is nothing like learning how helpless we really are. I know you will look back and see the miracles and blessings and strengthening that has accompanied all of this. No doubt the low times seem impossible to bear though. I remember getting really addicted to reading the parts of scripture that talked about what a small moment this life is and how peaceful and restful heaven will be. I'm sorry. The Costley love and prayers continue to head your way.
We love you! We are thinking about you daily!! You will survive... though I know it appears bleak, there really is a brighter tomorrow. I know it sounds lame, and there are no words but know you are loved and completely lifted in prayer. xoxo, chris and april
I am sorry to hear about your little sleepover being canceled. Things will work out and you will have him home before you know it. I am sure it feels like forever though. Hang in there.
We need to come and see you dear soon. I really love reading your entries. They are a way of being informed instead of bombarding you with phone calls. If I can help at all please call me.
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