Reincarnated As A Mother

Friday, February 14, 2014


Okay, I am a total emotional train wreck tonight.
I think I stayed up too late last night consoling Holland over Gage's passing.
She was a mess.  (It must run in the family).
You know, when I was her age, the only deaths I had dealt with was my dog dying
and my third grade teacher (who passed away from Leukemia).
I look at all the little friends we have lost or are losing and I ache for her.
When you have a child with cancer, you meet so many other families in the same shoes.
Let me put it this way, our prayer list is way too long.
And Holland has such a tender heart.
And then there is poor Reese.
She has had a loose tooth for several days and has nursed it along so she could 
pull it out on Thursday and have the Tooth Fairy come on Valentine's Day.
Well, guess who forgot?
Epic fail!!!
Kean had his big appointment with the Pediatric Urologist.
He is scheduled for surgery on March 6th to bring down (and keep down)
his testicles.
If his testicles stay ascended, he is at a high risk for Testicular cancer.
And to add insult to injury, the kind of cancer he has likes to hide out in the
testicles and brain-- so we can't take a chance and leave them there.
You'd be proud of me, I was so calm, cool and collected in the doctor's office
that she even made a comment about it.
My dear friend, Michelle Tiegs came along for support today.
She is a rock and I think that rubbed off on me....
 that is, until I got home and alone and then I got mad.
I just had this overwhelming heaviness today-- wondering why
Kean has to go through so very much!
I didn't have too much time to feel all that sorry for him (and myself)
because I had to pick Holland and her friend Cadee up early from school.
They have to do a service project for a class and decided to make
Valentine's cookies and take them down to the kids in the cancer unit at the hospital.
One of Kean's nurses told us we could-- but we found out we really couldn't give
out cookies to the kids.  So we punted and gave them to all the doctors and nurses
who do so much for Kean and his friends.
While we were up in the Pediatric Cancer Unit, we ran into
some of our closest friends-- and found that their 12 year-old son
was admitted back into the hospital today. 
The brain cancer he has been fighting has moved to his spine.
It was heartbreaking.  The mom looked shell shocked, the son was so angry.
And I'm just sad and mad for both of them.
And then on top of that... feeling guilty for being angry that Kean has to have another surgery.
How petty, when we could be losing him.
Have I told you lately how much I HATE cancer?
 We had one extra plate of cookies so took them down to my old stomping grounds- the Antepartum 
Unit where I spent 75 days on bed rest during Kean's pregnancy.
We lucked out and my all time favorite nurse, Liz was on...
so that made a rather lousy day a much better one.
Tomorrow has to be easier, right?