Reincarnated As A Mother

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

One Year Behind Us

So today's been a bit emotional.
It was one year ago today we were given the news that changed everything.
Remember this picture?
Kean had been fighting a fever, then his arm swelled up and he wouldn't use it.
The Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon we were sent to by the E.R. called on this day last year to tell
us Kean's blood results showed he had some form of Cancer.
I don't know if I ever wrote about that moment-- but I kept it together
for the most part until I hung up the phone.  Then I fell to the floor
and literally broke into hysterics.
The girls were all playing upstairs and wondered what I was "laughing" about.
When my "laughing" didn't die down, they finally realized I was
sobbing and came down to see what had happened.
By this time I had managed to call Byron and my mom to get them on their way...
I'll forever feel guilty for calling my mother and traumatizing her.
I wasn't able to form the words to explain what was wrong-- I just communicated
enough to get her driving frantically my way.
That was a year ago.
And wow.  What an insane journey it has been for our entire family
and many of you.
It is hard for me to articulate how this year has changed us.
While it has been the most painful 12 months of my life,
there have been many beautiful and tender moments that I wouldn't
trade for anything.
I've learned I have the most incredible network of support-- right here
in my community and all across the world.
I've learned there is more good in this word than bad.
I am in awe of all of you-- all you've done to support, love and care for us-- from
strangers to high school friends I haven't seen in decades.
I've learned that prayer is powerful, that the Lord listens and responds to us when we turn to Him because
we can't do it anymore.
I've learned He sends angels to hold our hands and sometimes hold our babies
when sheer exhaustion has set in and we can't handle watching them in pain for another second.
I've learned I can handle things I never thought I'd be able to-- for example, giving
my baby shots in his stomach day after day.
I've learned that the Doctors, Nurses  and therapists who work with these kids
should have the word Saint imprinted on their foreheads.
I've learned that my friends are great cooks and great babysitters for my girls.
I've learned that my girls are resilient and kind hearted.  Forever they will
be aware of others who are suffering, they will look for ways to help
and will rarely say a prayer without pleading for the health and comfort of those who are suffering.
I've learned that my husband, no matter how tired he is from trying to keep
the rest of our lives from falling apart-- will find the energy to take a pleading
little boy on a motorcycle, tractor or lawn mower ride-- just because.
I've learned that my mom is one of my heroes-- always there to help with
the  girls, rock and sing Kean and worry about me.
I'm certain this hasn't been easy for my parents to watch our family go through this.
I could go on for hours-- about all I've learned.
Perhaps the biggest revelation is that Kean is my miracle boy-- my inspiration.
He is sweet, strong and somehow pulls the strength from somewhere to
stay mostly positive.  He is a wonder.
Oh, and a bit destructive.
Look at him.
His new "thing" is to pull open every drawer in my kitchen...

And fling all the contents onto the floor.
Bring it on.
I love it!
(Even the bags of chips).


Rachel Ione Johnson said...

Love you guys so much! Still praying hard from far away. . . .

Elizabeth said...

Beautifully said, Lonni. Still sending prayers your way.