Reincarnated As A Mother

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Paging Doctor Freud

If you've been around us much, you'll know Byron and I 
half joke that we don't save for college for our girls.
Instead, we save for their counseling bills!
Today was one of those moments that remind us maybe we shouldn't joke.
Reese's fourth grade class had a "Poet in Residence" work
with them for the past few months.
Today, they presented their book of poems to the parents
and each read the poem they had created.
 Some were great.
Some not so.
Reese's shouldn't have surprised me but it did.
She wrote her poem about Kean and of course, his cancer.
Stupid cancer- as much as we try to not let you rule our lives,
somehow you are always there!
Reese's was very sweet.
It was as if she was taking us through a photo album of Kean.
I'm glad she was the one to read it.
I couldn't have gotten through it.
 While all the other kids seemed to write about
friends, animals, TV shows or video games--
here she is writing about her brother.
 I can't help but wonder how much of an
impact this has had on her little personality,
her outlook on life and her future.
The children were all so little when it started.
Kean was 2, Reese was 5, Greer 8...
 and Holland only 10.
So very much has happened in those years...
 I was thinking about this today.  Cancelling Reese's birthday
party with her friends and having a cake and pizza in the play room
at the hospital.  If anything, I guess it will be memorable.
But I still worry.  These girls have sacrificed, lived like hermits and
been ignored at times.  How much have they  internalized of their
parents' stresses about Kean's health, the never ending bills and
the monster sized fears that accompany cancer?
That still haunt our home..
I comfort myself with the knowledge they've seen first hand
a tremendous amount, no make that, a mind-boggling amount of
love and service shown to our family.
They've made friends in our world of cancer-- with nurses, doctors,
other families, Boise State students who put on dance fundraisers,
and of course, with all those involved with Camp Rainbow Gold.
They've had experiences we never expected (Make A Wish, Share Your Heart Ball, Baldapalooza)
and never could replicate.
They have huge hearts, are all three compassionate little souls
who want to reach out and hug any person they meet who has cancer.
Hopefully, all that will far outweigh the bad.
Hopefully, all that will help them overcome seeing several
family friends lose their children to cancer.
Hopefully, this will make them all better members of the human race.
Hopefully, they will someday be able to remember this time with fondness
(and that their parents were just doing their darn best to survive).
Hopefully, they will remember all the bright spots, the kind hearts, 
the incredible opportunities.
And hopefully, they will block out the darkness that
some days creeped into every corner of our lives.
We did try to protect them from those days.
But dang, these kids are smart and pick up on more than we think.
Maybe I think too much
and they'll be just fine.


Terra Lorien said...

Love this post. Beautiful.