Illumination

I didn't take any selfies of Kean and I today-- the ones that

would have shown him whimpering, grimacing and boring his head into my chest

in pain.

Can I vent and say again how much I hate, hate, hate cancer.

I swear this has to be as bad as water boarding-- having to watch

your baby suffering.

He had stretches where he put on a happy face--

thank goodness.

Otherwise, I think I would have checked myself into you know where.

Tonight, just after 8, he told me he wanted to go night night.

But at least now, I have some insight into how he is feeling.

I met a girl up at Camp Rainbow Gold's Family Winter Retreat--

an eleven year old who has Kean's same kind of cancer and is

in the same phase of treatment he's in.

I had her go through each drug he's on and tell me what it feels like.

So in case you are wondering, the two Chemo drugs he took Wednesday

and the third one he takes nightly:

1. makes every bone in his body hurt.

2.  makes all food taste like metal.

3.  makes lights and sun hurt his eyes.

4.  makes sounds hurt his ears and head.

That last one is particularly problematic, with three very loud sisters.

Gotta work on that.

Here all this time, I thought his reacting to noise was a Down's thing.

I'm still learning and I'm still praying we get through this.

One day at a time... right?

But I do owe a thank you to one brave girl (thanks K.T. for

sharing with me) and to my friend Teresa Peery who

brought over a huge tub of Vanilla ice cream tonight for Kean.

He's caught on to me serving him yogurt mixed with frozen berries

when he asks for ice cream!